its 10.07pm now..

i sitting at my bed typing on my lap top..

i will be leaving for bkk tml, but i have not start packing yet.

when i'm on my way home, i just kinda cry.

dun know why my tears fall so easily..

was supposed to meet a fren for dinner, i guess..
but it did not make it, just when i told my mom that i am not coming home for dinner... great.

stood me up...

tat is just what i need... i told myself...

my fren called back, and eventually told me that he was sorry for standing me up. i told him, it was alright... but when i told him that, i just needed someone to be there, a company, a lollypop regular or maybe just someone who can spent time with me for a while. cause... (as i was saying.. tears started to swell up in my eyes socket.. oh man.. not now... with so many ppl around me, and i'm in NEL... there,.. it flow down to my cheek.

i'm not sad that he stood me up or wat...
but dunnoe why. the tears. just flow down.

i... just feel like crying for a while.

i know. what had happened for the past few days. i just can't accept why i will cry?

i mean.. its not like i and him flare up and quarrel for days.

he.. just disappeared.

its not like we are together only for a few months. but for whole two years plus..

at first, i though. i am the one that is not happy with this relationship.. then.. i stood for a while and think...

is not like, singapore does not have any hp or public phone. if i don't called him. he would at least called me back. but the fact is.. he did not. or. should i say that, he choose not to call. at all.

and for the bangkok trip... i am seriously. actually. very.NOT!. much. look forward to it.

today in office. everyone. i mean. everyone. are actually clicking up together as a group to take taxi to airport together, eating breakfast and already fully planned their itineary and etc. without ME.

ya. i mean everyone. including my team leader.

i mean, i understand that, ya, i should voice out and say." can i join u all?" to be more sociable..

but with my mood like this...

i really just feel like walking out of the office door. and say goodbye forever to my company.

i just felt real down. i feel so sad that, there is no kind soul out there.. to include me. i mean... no one want to be an island... even how strong you think you are..

and the more i think about it. i felt more sad.. overseas trip are supposed to be fun... ya.. fun...

So, there i was, standing at NEL.. with tears in my eyes. i told myself. one hand. wipe it off. and stop the tears from coming down again.

and act as if dust had came to my eyes..

but, i know that is not true..