Still Waiting

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

its 10.07pm now..

i sitting at my bed typing on my lap top..

i will be leaving for bkk tml, but i have not start packing yet.

when i'm on my way home, i just kinda cry.

dun know why my tears fall so easily..

was supposed to meet a fren for dinner, i guess..
but it did not make it, just when i told my mom that i am not coming home for dinner... great.

stood me up...

tat is just what i need... i told myself...

my fren called back, and eventually told me that he was sorry for standing me up. i told him, it was alright... but when i told him that, i just needed someone to be there, a company, a lollypop regular or maybe just someone who can spent time with me for a while. cause... (as i was saying.. tears started to swell up in my eyes socket.. oh man.. not now... with so many ppl around me, and i'm in NEL... there,.. it flow down to my cheek.

i'm not sad that he stood me up or wat...
but dunnoe why. the tears. just flow down.

i... just feel like crying for a while.

i know. what had happened for the past few days. i just can't accept why i will cry?

i mean.. its not like i and him flare up and quarrel for days.

he.. just disappeared.

its not like we are together only for a few months. but for whole two years plus..

at first, i though. i am the one that is not happy with this relationship.. then.. i stood for a while and think...

is not like, singapore does not have any hp or public phone. if i don't called him. he would at least called me back. but the fact is.. he did not. or. should i say that, he choose not to call. at all.

and for the bangkok trip... i am seriously. actually. very.NOT!. much. look forward to it.

today in office. everyone. i mean. everyone. are actually clicking up together as a group to take taxi to airport together, eating breakfast and already fully planned their itineary and etc. without ME.

ya. i mean everyone. including my team leader.

i mean, i understand that, ya, i should voice out and say." can i join u all?" to be more sociable..

but with my mood like this...

i really just feel like walking out of the office door. and say goodbye forever to my company.

i just felt real down. i feel so sad that, there is no kind soul out there.. to include me. i mean... no one want to be an island... even how strong you think you are..

and the more i think about it. i felt more sad.. overseas trip are supposed to be fun... ya.. fun...

So, there i was, standing at NEL.. with tears in my eyes. i told myself. one hand. wipe it off. and stop the tears from coming down again.

and act as if dust had came to my eyes..

but, i know that is not true..

-when are you coming back? ;

Monday, April 28, 2008

Ne-Yo

So Sick

Gotta change my answering machine

Now that im alone

Cuz right now it says that we

Cant come to the phone

And I know it makes no sense

Cuz you walked out the door

But its the only way I hear your voice anymore(Its ridiculous)

Its been months

And for some reason I just(Cant get over us)

And im stronger then this(Enough is enough)

No more walkin round

With my head down

Im so over being blue

Cryin over you

And im so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why cant I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have

Thats marked April 28th

Because since theres no more you

Theres no more anniversary

Im so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

Thats the reason im so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why cant I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)Leave me alone

(Stupid love songs)Dont make me think about his smile

Or having my first child

Let it go

Turning off the radio

-when are you coming back? ;

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Yup Yup this is my second entry since i moved to my new house. i really kinda quite like my new house, in the sense of, i have my own room, big tv, queen size bed, and wireless internet.. hahaa
cool sia.
its like my own super cool comfy suite room. hahaa

i finally got a day off.. after those sleepless night... finally can sleep for 10hours. hahaa
and finally can use my msn... after for so so so so so long... hai~
so many photo to blog... but i really dun like the uploading time...
especially friendster... going to kill their management..!!!
hey friendster!! i want to complaint ur horrible uploading photo system. everytime when the transaction of my photo being upload to friendster, ur horrible system will come out this sign "error"!!!!!!!!
stupid ar~!!!!!
i waited for so long... still like that....
argg....

hai~ ya.. lots of things happened... hmm.. can i say, is not happening at all????
i feel tat i am really bad at explaining... real bad. the more i explain, e more things come out worse...
i am really bored... my retreat is coming.. but i am not happy at all... no money.... no likeable colleague to be lame with... super trap....
trap on being not myself....

i need a bottle of oxygen and happiness...
can anybody sell me that?
pls do not hesitant to call me @9876 5432....
thanks.

hai ya... ok la. enough of writing.. below are a few crappy photo on me and my amazing fren... haha...

-when are you coming back? ;

Monday, April 21, 2008

sorry ya...

so long den i blog again.

i will definately try to blog this time round. As i have internet at home already. So well... not much of excuse, of not blogging. unless i am really busy with my work.

But now... hmm... i am really quite busy with my work. Supposely, i have a script to memorise for my presentation on this coming wednesday... but this colleague of mine, is still rushing the script out. Though i really pity on him, as he really have a lots of things on hand, but I really had to rush him, as i don't think i can memorise that super long script about our company profile... and i am getting nervous as, i will have to present to the whole sales team and my sales director... which is so shit lor...

and moreover, i am going out on tml night, which is .... i think i only left with tonight to memorise... but anyway... hai.. no matter what... i have to memorise that stupid script by tonight.

hai~

that stupid feeling had suddenly crept out of my mind today...

the feeling of jealousy had suddenly overwhelmed me, and i felt like a green monster...

well.... i got to admit that, my "what if" though had come out again.

why. why. why.

why everybody is upgrading themselves, and felt so satisfied with their life.?

i don't think i felt satisfied with my life. i also noticed that, i complaint my life more than anything else. why. can't i just stop my mouth for a while. and think, how good is my life. and stop myself from comparing to others.

i really like to compare myself with others. but of course not in a evil way. but it just a slient comparision.

i want so much so much things in my life, that i can't measure... therefore i used 'much' instead of 'many'... and i have problem facing my own, economic.... there are so many demand, but so little supply... i really felt this way some times.

i just don't get satisfied with what i have. in terms of . happiness, education, and job satisfaction.

nevermind... just hope this is my last entry on being a green monster.

The next entry will be happier...

hopefully...

-when are you coming back? ;