Still Waiting

Monday, October 22, 2007

Went out with ling to buy some cakes for my friends. then last min met up with kelly for lunch. BK selection of English, France and Swiss Sandwich is Nice!! Since, ling had bought her camera along. so don't waste. we decide to take LOTS of photo. haha.

And i think my blog should have some photo, cause it really looks very boring. Singaporean like to read things with big big photo and less words. ...

Have lunch at BK

Visit to SMALL WORLD

mE, lInG, kElLy

Superman

Finish!!!

So easy to blog with photo. cause. so little words. hohooo...

-when are you coming back? ;

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

today is not a good day for me. i can feel that the sky is having the same feeling as me. the sky has been crying lately. i hope i can cry like the rain. cause it has been a long time since i cry again. how i wish to pour out all the unhappiness i have. and use those sticky roll to stick out all the unwanted feelings.

the company had reply me and say no. So. it really broke my heart. felt rejected by my loves one.
i am really tired and i don't like to be like this. because the fact is. there is job out there! and is because I DON'T LIKE THEM. so i cannot blame others but me. because i choose to find the job i LIKE. and by doing that. ppl will really think that u are very chosey and why until now u still can't find a job. is because I LANDED MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION. and i really hate myself for keep having this kind of thinking.

not only that.

yes. i really got rejected by a real person. in fact. i know it coming. i just wish that there were more of it. but anyway. I am not SAD. BUT I AM NOT HAPPY either. but it is good in the way, at least i am out that thingy. at least i am not the one that say it. so if to regret. its not me.

i just hate it. when ppl say. all i do, IS FOR UR SAKE. " think for my sake". DID I put big poster out there, saying I NO BRAINS. PLS THINK FOR ME. NO! so . stop saying all those BULLSHIT! .

i am just ... angry. angry with everything. not really in good mood. cause i really feel. i almost hit rockbottom. ALMOST. almost.

cause if i really did hit it. i won't be at here writing this ANGRY post.

-when are you coming back? ;

Saturday, October 13, 2007

now to think of it. infact it is not demanding VS satisfying. it is
Expectation VS Demanding VS Satisfying.

i think, i should not, at the very very first place. expect something from this friendship. because. the more we say how our friendship should be. the more expectation i will put on this friendship. and i have forget that i am a person that will ASK FOR MORE. ya. i did. i did admit that yes. i expect a lot from this friendship. so much that it kinda not us anymore. but me.

i felt angry because. i am really angry that why u the person. always ask me to go out. and i personally heard that u, urself said that u also want to drink. but why when i offered you to go out for a drink with me is such a hard thing to agree. maybe it is really pure luck that u are so unlucky everytime i ask u to drink. everytime i expect u to do something for me. u did not make it happened.... expect expect expect. assume. because i though that i could go all the way for u. but somehow, u did not met my expectation of being there for me.

ya. maybe i am a petty person. maybe it just the situation around that makes me into such despo for a break. for a drunk time, when i no need to take care or lead u all. and for once u all can take care for me. i so so so so needed this. but i think nobody really think that it had become so desperate to be drunk.

well... what is the cause of this. expectation and assumption.

but i know its my fault. there should not be any finger pointing at anybody. but it just a moment where u don't wish to say " there is no problem. and wish that u can point at someone else and say. ya, its ur fault. "

i 'm just down. forgive me if i say something or do something that hurt u all. because i so need a time to drink and forget anything else without any pressure that the clock is ticking.

i'm sorry.
friends.

-when are you coming back? ;

Earlier today, my family and i had a dim sim bunch. hmm. not bad la. cause my sister bday. so my father decide to treat the family to some good food.

alright alright. yes. i must admit that yes. i called mr. m. WHICH. is a thing i think i should not do. because we are still back to square one. we quarrel again because of he think that he called so many times and i did not pick up the call. and he think that it is useless to call again. and for my side. i argue for the sake of why he is so petty. ARGGG...
so too... too... too... sound again. yes. i nv manage to say a goodbye.

i really feel like tearing my brain and body apart. ! because they are not united. one is asking me to call again. another is asking me to walk away. save some pride for urself. plzzzzzz...

andd..... my extra extra extra fren has die down on me... this is what i think. because a few day ago. we were like so into each other. and den boom. like all the flame had been extingush by some firelady.

well... don't say i bad la... cause i also need something to attract my attention. or else. all my attention will fall on mr. m. and he will be very cocky.

yesterday. i think i have been waiting to be call out the whole day. and yet not even a single soul had called.
it is always ALWAYS like this. when u needed one. no one came. when u don't need one. everybody want part of u. ALWAYS!

this monday. the company is really going to call. because i called them on friday and they said they will give me the answer whether they are going to hire me anot.
plzzzzzzz........... hire me....................... so i can buried myself with all the workload.

i think i am the kind of person. if no frens or no mr. nice guy come along. i will buried myself in my studies or work. so... as last time i have studies. soo .... lucky my studies are not to bad. i think maybe that the reason why. but now. i don't have work to do..... and it is really so PEK CHEY.

because .............. i have all the free time in the world. but i have no money. no right person to spent it with.!!!! it is alright with me, as there is no right person. but it is not alright with NO MONEY!!!!!!.
cannot do shopping. cannot do my nails. cannot drink coffee. cannot take taxi. cannot sing kbox!!!!

arggggggggggggggggggggg.............

where is my COMPLAINT CAMP!!!!
i needed one right now. give me the form and i will be the first to put my name down!

-when are you coming back? ;

Friday, October 12, 2007

i think. this is the one time longest break i ever have. there so much to do. but too lazy to do... the sky is going to cry soon. and i feel like jogging. it will definately feel very good. but too bad. i scare of thunder... how i wish one of any of u all, stay close to me, and we can just go for a jog. in raining days.

the smell of rain. feel sad and refreshing.

good news. my family is really going to have another celebration. because..... my sister is getting marry. BUT... she do not know yet. so... KEEP QUIET. because, yesterday, her bf came up to our house and kinda seek "permission" or should i say blessing from my parent. and he show us the ring. haha... of course is a diamond ring. and the location where he is going to pop the question is at.... PARIS. so romantic right... haha...

my sister keep asking, why he want to bring her to paris. is it u wan to propose? and he just keep denying. saying "what? where got the money.. no la." haha...
well.. there is more to say. but well... its kinda long. so anyway. don't say it out! ok. it only meant to be read. and forget. haha.

hai~
felt so many feelings at once...

well.... eventually, everything will fall in places. just like the rain drops.

-when are you coming back? ;

today, i slept to 9.30am. exact. and i am awake by the sudden hit of hotness... sound weird? hahaa...
anyway. but at 9.30am sharp. that stupid bangala workers cut off my whole flat of electricity. because they are fixing some wire thingy. and by then. i just woke up. waited for my fren to call and had a breakfast together. and when i get back my house... it is so stuffy... but anyway, i pack august stuff and went down to e clinic. but in the end, we all decided that we should observe august for another 2 weeks then xtray again to see if really needed to take out the wire. so anyway.... by 2pm... i am on the cab back to my stuffy home.

once i reach home. i open up all the window. doors and lie at my sofa. do nothing. think nothing. and just listen to my batt operated mp3 because no electricity. means. no fan! no tv! no fridge! no aircon! no com! nothing! and its until 5.30pm!!! but its gd in the sense.

everything felt so quiet and calm.
felt everything just stop for a moment.

-when are you coming back? ;

below are life example. of why i think woman are conradict.

my love life is is is is really messy. complicated. blurry. and terrible.
hmm. this is already the 3rd day since monday. and Mr. M is not calling back and I bet he don't even have the intention to call! oh man.... what if he really do not call... how? trouble. trouble.
but if he don't call.. it is also gd, in the sense i can do whatever things i like. argggg.....

what if during this period, he got to know some stupid girl, just like how i met him, as he is also going overseas soon... omg...

and i have not told him about august latest condition. i felt the responsibility to tell him. but i don't think it will make lots of different. maybe he will just think of money again. or he will be even more proud that i called him back. oh man...

i really really cannot call him. because once i did. he will take this as a benchmark and he will surely bet that i will call him back. idiot!!!
argggg.... but sometime when i am alone today. i did think of calling back and be good. and just be normal again. everything will be easier. easier. easier.... why am i so reluctant to fight for myself. ahhhhh.....

the end. for the live example of why woman are so conradict...

-when are you coming back? ;

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

happy birthday to you.

-when are you coming back? ;

i wish to get a break. i wish to go on holiday with kelly and xiao ling and eileen. then we can talk cock, sing song, play mahjong the whole time. or we can all wear nice clothes and nice hat and most importantly nice heels which will nv kill our feet. and just to walk down the city and do shopping! or we can just sit by a coffee alfresco area and have a cup of the best coffee ever and just chat.

well... it just a wish.

-when are you coming back? ;